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I was having a conversation with one of my best friends the other day and it brought about a good question: Are the days of courting and genuinely wanting to get to know someone slowly fading away and being replaced with random flings and friends with benefits situations? It certainly feels like it with the way people are going about “dating” nowadays. The days of someone asking to take you out to get to know you seem to be dissipating in my age group, and we now live in an era where people simply want to Netflix and Chill or just have a quick rendezvous of the nether regions. Of course this isn’t the case for everyone, but for a lot of people my age, getting to know someone on a deeper level seems to take a backseat to physical pleasure.

I can’t tell you how many times I used to match with guys on Tinder and their first message is something along the lines of “You should come over”, “You look like you’re good in bed”, or something a lot more explicit, even after I made it clear that I wasn’t looking for hookups. While I’m no longer on Tinder, having guys hit on me in my day to day life has become even more annoying because at times, it’s the same comments, without the ease of pressing a button to block them and make them disappear.

Being as though I’m in a space where I’m looking for something worthwhile; something more than a superficial physical connection, it’s incredibly annoying to have guys who seem to attempt to feign interest just to try and get me in bed. I know, I know, this really sounds like something that most guys my age wouldn’t mind, but at 26, I’m looking for a genuine connection with someone who shares some common interests and a mutual desire for a legitimate relationship.

Now, I’m not going to put on a facade and act as if I’ve always been a prude who’s wanted nothing more than a serious relationship throughout my adult life. I’ve had stages in life where I wasn’t really looking for anything serious and wanted nothing more than to just enjoy being single. This could very well be the mindset that a lot of people possess, but when does that way of thinking come to an end?

All too often, I’ve come across people who claim that they don’t do the “relationship thing” and that they’d rather have fun until they can’t have fun anymore, instead of settling down with someone that they have impeccable chemistry with. Personally, I think that this is a great way to end up older, alone, and craving a significant other to share memories with. A significant other that you may have very well overlooked because you were too busy getting your rocks off at every opportunity.

Photo: Becca Tapert

The moral of the story is that everyone has a right to go about dating any way they want to, but let’s not forget that we’re all treated the way we allow people to treat us. If you want a serious relationship with someone, go about it in a way where you’re actually building something and not just becoming their go to booty call on an uneventful night. If someone that you’re into is only willing to Netflix and Chill with you or only talk to you during the middle of a lonely night, they probably aren’t worth any of your time. There are literally billions of other people in the world, and there’s no doubt that there are men and/or women who would enjoy actually going out and building meaningful bonds and igniting a potential flame of love, it’s just a matter of being patient and finding one worth your time. If love, stability, and monogamy are what you’re seeking, pay no mind to those who are only looking to get their rocks off and keep focusing on your own path to happiness and meaningful connections.